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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Dec 27, 2011 14:34:55 GMT -4
Grandpa: Grandma and I couldn't find any place to park anywhere near the doctors office. And some jerk pulled up in a brand new Mercedes and pulled right into the handicap spot. He got out of the car and there was nothin' wrong with him, don't you hate that? So I ran his ass over. I made an honest man out of him! And his mother got out of the other side and started swinging her crutches at me -- took her out with the door.
Mel: Don't you feel kinda bad?
Grandpa: Ah hell, they can carpool.
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Post by kallor on Dec 27, 2011 14:37:44 GMT -4
LOL Nice
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Dec 28, 2011 16:55:09 GMT -4
Grandpa: I can get a real job.
Mel: What would you do?
Grandpa: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart.
Mel: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line?
Grandpa: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your shit and get out. Have a nice day'.
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Dec 31, 2011 16:01:02 GMT -4
Mel: So how was your and Grandma's trip to Miami?
Grandpa: Was good. Lot of cops though.
Mel: Really? Were there any problems?
Grandpa: No, but you should have seen some of these guys. What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: 'Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching'? What do they do when they arrest somebody? 'Alright, get in the basket'.
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Jan 2, 2012 17:52:00 GMT -4
Grandpa: You dating anybody now?
Mel: A matter of fact I am. About 4 months now.
Walter: Oh, good. Male? Mel: Well yeah.
Grandpa: Well you never know; sometimes that's the problem. 'Honey, I got bad news and I got good news. Bad news is, I want a divorce. Good news is, I'm on your team now.'
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Jan 20, 2012 20:03:24 GMT -4
Grandpa: We got a new neighbor.....
Mel: Oh really, what are they like?
Grandpa: Well it's a she and she's single, and I can see her from my family room.
Mel: What did Grandma say?
Grandpa: I don't think she knows yet. But listen to this...
I watched as our new neighbor got home from work this evening. I was so surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door... I rushed to open it.
She looked at me, and said, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight???”
I immediately replied, “Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!” Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"
MAN... IT'S NO FUN GETTING OLD DAMMIT!!!
Mel: Hahaha, Oh Grandpa!
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Post by difoj on Jan 20, 2012 21:39:53 GMT -4
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Sept 30, 2015 3:53:50 GMT -4
Grampa; What the hell does that have to do with the price of Bananas?
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Sept 30, 2015 4:04:46 GMT -4
Mel: , how was your trip to Ireland? Grandpa: I got all confused there. Mel: Why? Grandpa: Everybody's last name starts with "O": O'Malley, O'Shay... I think I know a black Irish guy. Mel: Who's that? Grandpa: O'Bama. Mel: LOL I don't think Obama's Irish. Grandpa: Maybe he's half-Irish, half-African-American. I can't wait to meet him. I'm gonna walk up to him and go, " , top of the mornin' to ya there, dawg. How's your health care hangin', yo, yo? , that last election was a bee-yotch!" Mel:
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Oct 1, 2015 2:09:56 GMT -4
Grandpa: Did you know that in Amsterdam, you can legally purchase marijuana? Mel: I, uh, yeah. I did know that. Grandpa: You know where? Mel: Coffee houses. Grandpa: Coffee houses! It's my favorite coffee place ever! "I'd like a latte and a doobie! And... nineteen dozen donuts. Thank you."
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Post by kallor on Oct 2, 2015 19:14:53 GMT -4
Rofl! Nice
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Post by Ms Liberty Too on Oct 2, 2015 23:13:14 GMT -4
Grandpa: [referring to his argument on the phone with his wife] You heard a little of that, didn't ya? Mel: Oh yeah. Grandpa: I hung up on her. Mel: Not good. Grandpa: Yeah. She called back and she's like "Did you hang up on me?" I said "I don't know, did it sound something like this - CLICK!" Mel: Did that make her angry? Grandpa: Oh, I felt a disturbance in the Force!
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